Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Resolutions and Realizations

So I've had the realization that I should just never post my goals or resolutions on the internet because that's a great way to make them not happen. I don't know why it happens, it must be because of the magical evil of the internet. Whatever it is, I'd rather not bother it. (In case you haven't figured it out, my New Year's resolutions failed miserably.) I'm not too worried about it because no one (shockingly, not even me) is perfect.

I think I've come to realize that perfection is an absolutely ridiculous idea since there is no static definition of perfection for every person on this planet. Some people define perfection as having flat lines on their CGMs. Others think a certain A1C will suddenly make life easier. The great thing about perfection is that once you realize there is no perfect, you won't feel as terrible about not having that A1C of 6. While someone may have your ideal A1C, another aspect of his or her life is probably not stellar. After all, life is a huge balancing act. And nothing is ever balanced in the way you hope it will be.

Schoolwork. Diabetes. Emotions.

None of these are ever balanced.

I can give you a few currently deprived areas of my life:

  • Sleep (I'm writing this at 1:29 AM, if that tells you anything.)
  • The information that is magically bestowed upon a person that tells one what to do with her life
  • Health (ha hA HA)

My life isn't perfect and neither is anyone else's on this planet. I have to remind myself that because I constantly fall victim to comparing myself others. I'm friends with extremely intelligent people, which is a blessing and a curse because they push me to do as well as they do, but they also make me feel inferior, intelligence-wise. I've gotten better when it comes to comparing grades, but I need to desperately work on not comparing myself to others in different parts of life. That's tough for me because whenever I'm in an awful mood, I tend to want to just stay angry and sad for a while, so comparing just enables me to feel worse for longer.

I also need to work on being less defensive because I'm very used to be attacked for my views or just my personality/ If someone doesn't agree with me or says something insulting I get really defensive. Really quickly. 

I'm not really sure what this was supposed to do, but it was nice to write out what I've been thinking about lately.

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