Wednesday, May 14, 2014

#dblogweek Day Three: What Brings Me Down

I debated writing about something more fun today, like the Tell Me a Story wildcard, but I realized that it's good for me to let out some of my more saddening thoughts because writing out things does help. Here's my not so exciting or happy or angry blog post about things that make me sad when it comes to diabetes. 

The Prompt:
May is Mental Health Month so now seems like a great time to explore the emotional side of living with, or caring for someone with, diabetes. What things can make dealing with diabetes an emotional issue for you and / or your loved one, and how do you cope?
I was texting my friends a few days ago and I told them that I felt real people sick. They proceeded to ask me about what that means, and I told them something along the lines of this: "It's when I feel sick, but it's not related to my diabetes, since I'm technically sick all of the time." I don't think of myself as a sick person, but this just punched me in the face and made me really sad. I have a chronic illness. I count as sick. All of the time. Do I act like someone sick all of the time? Nope. Does that mean that I'm not sick all of the time? Nope. That's the weird part. I don't look in the mirror and see my diabetes. I look in the mirror and see me + small side effects of diabetes. I see permanent scar tissue on my legs from sites with the inset 30 when I was little because I would only put my sites on my legs back then. I see a stomach dotted with red dots from pump sites and my dexcom. I see dry skin on my arm because of my CGM. I see all of these things, but these things aren't me. They just exist on me. That's not the stuff that keeps me up at night.

What keeps me up at night: dead in bed (I hate having to even look that up for the link), obituaries like these for a girl 1 year younger than me, confessions on My Diabetes Secret that make me realize how terrible diabetes is, Kelly's sister, and the thought that one more high blood sugar could cause permanent complications. These thoughts suck. They're scary and make me want to cry and cry and cry sometimes. Luckily, I have the best friends in the world because both of them put up with me having existential crises and my diabetes related annoyances/ saddening thoughts.

Some of the things that get me through the rough days. More on that tomorrow.
The things that get me through all of these crappy thoughts are talking to my friends and forcing them to send me entertaining photos from the internet to cheer me up. (Thanks for that.) Hugging one of the 20 bazillion 9 furry creatures living in my house is also a good way to feel better. I also thank YouTube and Netflix for getting me out of the dumps a lot of times. (I recommend watching Psych on Netflix.) I then make myself something delicious, like Hot Chocolate and sleep it off. That's just what works for me.

Moral of the Story:  That was rather depressing. Corgis giving exercise tips may or may not be the best way to cheer you up after this.

You can check out everyone else's posts about today's topic here.

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